Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver getting marriage counseling

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/they_re_back_uLfQyTC3ul1NMbUbvDtUQM

The rumor is out that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are going to marriage counseling to help work through their issues.  Arnold is lucky that Maria is a devout Catholic who does not believe in divorce.  According to sources, Arnold is doing everything in his power to get her back.  He claims to be a “changed” man, but Maria’s friends don’t want want to hear it?  They say he will never change.

I’ll give you my take.  Most likely they will not work-out their differences because of their high profile nature and because of their career demands.  However, being a therapist who has worked with countless couples, it is possible.  There is a lot of pain and mistrust that Maria will have to deal with and believe it or not so will Arnold, unless he’s a complete narcissist.  It’s going to take a long time to restore trust.  For this relationship to work, Arnold will need to completely change his priorities, which will mean stepping out of the limelight and stepping back into his marriage.  It depends what is more important to Arnold-his career or his wife.  Can he do it?  What are your thoughts?

Tyra Banks Show: Weight Loss

Dr. Tom Kersting appearing on the Tyra Banks Show to discuss weight loss and his new book Losing Weight: When Diets Fail.

WABC TV: When Diets Fail

Dr. Tom Kersting, author of Losing Weight When Diets Fail, talking about weight-loss and New Years Resolutions on WABC TV.

Fox and Friends: When Diets Fail

Dr. Tom Kersting on Fox and Friends promoting his new book, Losing Weight When Diets Fail. Taped, 6/09/07.

Communication 101

I had my first session with a young, engaged couple last week.  Steve and Mary have been together for 7 years and have hit a major roadblock, and they’re not even married yet.   Steve entered his family business about a year ago and hired Mary as an employee.  They both thought it was going to be wonderful to work together but it turned out the complete opposite; they were constantly at each others throats, Steve’s family did not like Mary’s attitude at work and Steve found himself caught in the middle between Mary and his family.  By the time they came to see me, neither Steve nor Mary were working at the family business anymore and they both blamed each other.  Their relationship was heading south fast.

They came to me for counseling  because there was a lot of hurt; they had been verbally assaulting one another for a while and the pain they both felt was clear.   The two of them couldn’t even carry-on a conversation without it turning into an all-out argument.  It happened right in front of me.

During the first session I did a lot of evaluating, not necessarily on the words they were saying to one another  but what their body language was saying.  I could see the anger and frustration written all over both of them.  Neither one knew how to listen to what the other had to say.  It was a vicious cycle.

I gave them a homework assignment for the week.  I instructed them to take 15 minutes every night and sit down and look at one another without saying a word.  I basically wanted them to feel the other persons pain and frustration, which is impossible to do once words get in the way because at that point we only feel our own negative energy.  When Steve and Mary came back for their next session I was anxious to see how the 15 minutes of silent communication went.  They did the exercise a few times but were unable to do it every night.  They said it was actually nice to sit down with each other and not argue.  Mission accomplished.  Baby steps!

This weeks exercise:  I’m having Steve and Mary sit down for the same 15 minutes but this time I instructed them to express to the other what is on their mind and how they’re feeling.  Here’s the kicker—the other person is not allowed to respond no matter what.  This is going to be a big challenge for them but the key is for both of them to start understanding the art of “listening” and at the same time start breaking down their walls of defensiveness.  The moral of this story:  If you are in a relationship, take a step back and actually hear what the other person has to stay and keep your two-cents to yourself.  In other words, learn how to swallow your pride.  It saves a lot of relationships.  We’ll see how it goes with Steve and Mary.

Tuning-in to YOU

At this point in my life I have achieved just about every goal I’ve set out to achieve, but I’m nowhere near finished.  As I sit here writing, I’m trying to figure out how to express what’s going on in my mind and emotions at this very moment.  All I can say is that I feel excited and it’s not for any specific reason; it’s just something I feel all the time because I’ve created this feeling by working with my thoughts and emotions.  I’ve become extremely kinesthetic over the years as I spend a good deal of time tuning-in to myself, exploring and forming my thoughts and feelings.  I’m extremely self-aware and I strive to get everyone I come in contact with to experience the same.  Call it bliss or happiness.

This hyper-awareness I’ve created also allows me to feel the frequency of other people within seconds of meeting them.  And some how I instinctively know how to transfer my positive frequency towards those whose frequency is weak.  Essentially, I know how to connect with people and therefore help people.

As a psychotherapist I’ve learned that it’s not just my words that help my patients but the emotional signals I invisibly transmit to them.  It’s hard to explain.  Look at it as establishing a rapport with people without saying all that much.  It’s this rapport, this connection that facilitates trust and therefore offers hope.   What I’ve learned during my own journey of inner connectedness is that the only way to effectively connect with and help another human is to be connected with oneself.  This is why people I’ve never met come into my office and without saying a word I can tell them what their problems are and offer them hope.  Many people think I’m a mind reader and in a way I am, but I’m really more of an emotion reader.  One’s emotional energy is the signal to what he/she thinks.

The key to helping others is to be able to feel their frequency and the only way to do this is to be in touch with your own frequency, to know your inner self.  Your frequency is malleable; it can be shaped.   This is why I establish trust with my patients almost immediately and it is precisely why I am able to help tune-in to the right frequency and help them change their lives.

Earlier this week I had a patient I was meeting for the first time.  Although he couldn’t explain what his problem was, I felt his disconnect before he even stepped into my office and I knew what the problem was.  He was like a piano that is out of tune.  I explained to him what his energy, his frequency, felt like to me.  I likened it to a radio station that starts getting fuzzy after you’ve driven a considerable distance outside of its frequency.  His response: “that’s exactly how I feel.” I instructed him to go home that night, and sit in his chair by the window in his living room that overlooks the beautiful grounds of his complex.  I told him that I wanted him to sit there silently for 15-20 minutes every night for the next week and do nothing but stare out at the beautiful oak trees and just think.  This is where he would discover his inner self, where the clear frequency lies.

This inner meditation with self doesn’t only create abundance and tune you in to a positive frequency, it is also a reservoir of opportunity – opportunity to visualize and feel your way towards whatever it is you desire.

Every day I start of the day by tuning-in to me.  In other words I go inside of myself.  I explore my inner thoughts and feelings and I formulate those thoughts and feeling that I want.  I vividly imagine and feel my goals and dreams and I’ve been doing this for many years.   Amazing things have happened for me and I have ton’s more amazing things on the horizon.  So do this:  if you’re feeling hopeless, stressed or fruitless, stop tuning-out (worrying and thinking externally) and start tuning-in (intending and imagining).    Go sit in that chair by the window.