Uncategorized Archives ~ Page 6 of 10 ~ Disconnected by Tom Kersting

Rachel Ehmke, 13-Year-Old Minnesota Student, Commits Suicide After Months Of Bullying

I just read the article below and I am super-angry. Why did such a young life have to end so quickly. I dissected the whole article and added my comments under certain captions. I hope to bring to life some of the pieces of this tragedy that could have been prevented. Perhaps a life could have been saved.

Rachel Ehmke, a 13-year-old seventh grader in Mantorville, Minn., died April 29 after hanging herself at her home. The months leading up to the tragedy were a whirlwind of peer abuse instances, her parents say. (The bullying went on for months? How did this slip through the cracks?)

Now following Rachel’s Friday funeral that was met with widespread community condolences, Rick and Mary Ehmke are speaking out against the bullying they say their daughter endured at Kasson/Mantorville Middle School and online.

Rachel’s family and friends say the teen fell victim to school bullying last fall when her chewing gum was stuck to her textbooks and the word “slut” was scrawled across her gym locker, the Austin Daily Herald reports. And while she was outgoing, athletic and friendly, the same group of girls reportedly threatened Rachel and kept calling her a “prostitute,” though she had never kissed a boy, according to KMSP. (were the names of these students reported to the school officials and were the students disciplined for their actions? How did the bullies’ parents discipline their kids for their actions?)

Two days before Rachel’s death, an anonymous text was sent to other students at the school, KARE reports.”It was pretty explicit. Something to the effect of that Rachel was a slut and to get her to leave the Kasson-Mantorville School, forward this to everyone you know,” parent Chris Flannery told the station. But after the text was reported to authorities, it was traced to someone who wasn’t a student at the school, according to Minnesota Public Radio. The district’s bullying policy prohibits threats both in person and online, and promises investigations within 24 hours of any reported bullying. (How does the school go about “prohibiting” bullying, in this case cyber-bullying, by someone who doesn’t go to the school? Is this really a “school” issue or should it be a police matter?)

Rachel reportedly pleaded with her father not to mention the bullying to school officials, for fear of worsening the situation. (Well, did her father report it or did he let Rachel decide?)

A note that her parents found after her death read, “I’m fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel,” alongside a picture of a broken heart, according to KMSP.

Dodge County authorities plan to meet this week to discuss possible criminal charges, the Star Tribune reports. (Smart move) But Rick Ehmke says the family doesn’t plan to press charges against those who bullied his daughter.”They’re kids. They made some horrible decisions. If these kids would’ve known this would happen I’m pretty sure they never, ever would have done what they did,” Rick Ehmke told Minnesota Public Radio. (can charges be pressed against the parents of the bullies?) “Sadly enough, even those kids that know who they are will carry this bag their whole life. That’s a sad thing too, it really is.”

He also notes that the school should have taken heavier measures against the bullies when the taunting was first reported in the fall, adding that technology like phones and social media may have worsened an already bad situation by allowing the bully to essentially follow students home. (Did the school provide the cell phones to the students or did the parents provide it to them?)

“Words hurt. Word can kill,” mother Mary Ehmke told KARE.

Community members have planned a prayer vigil and walk in Rachel’s memory for 2 p.m. May 19 at Mill Pond in Austin, Minn. The walk aims to show support for the Ehmke family and raise awareness for teen suicide and bullying.

The U.S. Department of Education has identified 16 “key components” in state bullying legislation, including a statement of scope, listing of enumerated groups, process of district policy review, definitions and reporting guidelines. Minnesota ranks last in the country with its state bullying law only covering two of the 16 components, according to an Education Department analysis of state bullying laws released in December. Nebraska ranks second-to-last by covering four of the 16 components. (When is the government going to create “at home” bullying legislation so that parents can prevent cyber bullying that occurs under their roof?)

Statement of scope, one of the most common components of state bullying laws, establishes where legislation applies and what conditions must exist for schools to have authority over student conduct.

According to the Education Department report, Minnesota is one of just three states — alongside Wisconsin and Arizona — that prohibits bullying but doesn’t define that behavior. The state also doesn’t provide for its districts a model bullying policy, and at a mere 37 words, its anti-bullying law is the shortest one in the country:

Each school board shall adopt a written policy prohibiting intimidation and bullying of any student. The policy shall address intimidation and bullying in all forms, including, but not limited to, electronic forms and forms involving Internet use.

“Energy” drinks for our Kids

A new study was just released about the effects of energy drinks on kid’s teeth. The study showed that energy drinks can cause tooth enamel damage and increases the risk of cavities and tooth decay. Hey parents, it doesn’t sound much different than soda does it? So why do we buy these “energy” drinks for our kids? The drink market has exploded so much over the last 20 years that if you go to the drink aisle in a mini-mart or a super-market it will be one of the most colorful, magical experiences you’ll ever have. And if your kids are with you, watch out. They’ll tug on your pants to the point where you’ll just say, “fine” and give in.

What you might not realize is that these “energy” drinks and other sugar-water drinks are packaged in a vibrant, colorful way so that you become subliminally attracted them. You’ll also see big bold words on the packaging like, “energy” or “juice” or “vitamin”. Then your brain says, “Oh, not only are they bright and colorful like real fruit, they’re healthy for my kid too.” Nonsense! Here are a couple of real healthy alternatives you can give your kids that won’t destroy the enamel on their teeth or make them fat.

1. Give your kids water: Nothing new here. We all know that water doesn’t cause cavities, tooth decay or obesity. You can filter your own water from your faucet or get 24-bottles of Poland Spring on sale for $2.99. Not a bad deal considering that one bottle of some of these energy drinks can cost $2.99 each. I’ve been giving my kids water from day one and guess what they ask for when they’re thirsty? You guessed it – water

2. Look for labels that say 100%: The next time you’re at the supermarket and are about to buy a package of juice drinks, make sure it says 100% juice. Do you know what 100% juice means? It means that there is nothing else in it other than real fruit juice. It’s actually healthy for your kids. Not only will your kids love it, one serving of juice also counts as a serving of fruit. If the package says, “made from real fruit juice” or “contains 10% fruit juice”, stay away; it’s a disguise for the fact that the drink is really just sugar water. I’m so happy that Kraft’s CapriSun now makes a 100% juice variety. Check it out here: http://www.kraftbrands.com//CaprisunMoms/varieties.aspx?ctype=juice

3. Never Ever give your kids soda: One can has 8-10 teaspoons of sugar. Need I say more?

The secret to a successful marriage

Here is a great example of a Hollywood couple that has weathered the storm and is still happily married after a decade. The key to their success is very simple. Read the article below and let me know if you can find the answer. I’m proud of Freddy and Sarah…..

I’ll give you a hint-

It’s not money …………….

It’s not the kids ……………

It’s __________________?

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/now/report-sarah-michelle-gellar-freddie-prinze-jr-expecting-141845701.html

Caught in the Middle

I’ve always been a big fan of Deion Sanders. He was an unbelievable football player and is a great NFL analyst but I think Deion fumbled the ball on this one. He dragged his kids into his divorce. According to the media, Sanders divorce from his estranged wife has been a nuclear one. She was arrested today for domestic assault and unfortunately the attach happened in front of their children. Deion retaliated to the assault by posting comments on twitter along with a photograph of he and his boy’s filling-out police reports (see above). If that’s not “dragging your kids into the middle of your divorce” I don’t know what is. Don’t get me wrong his ex-wife is just as guilty. Attacking Deion in front of their children is also “dragging your kids into the middle of your divorce.”

I have worked with countless divorced families over the years and the thing that always amazes me is not only the alarming number of kids who are caught in the middle of their parent’s divorce but also the alarming number of parents who are in denial of it.

I’ll be interested to see how Deion reacts to the comments that are sure to come from involving his kids in his divorce—nationally. Will he swallow his pride and admit to his mistake or will he be in denial and try to justify his actions? I sure hope Deion does what’s right. If he does, I’ll forgive him. Will you?

Stopping Bullying

http://news.yahoo.com/iowa-paper-devotes-front-page-fighting-bullying-175921792.html

This is a sad case of another young life wasted because of the mean and cruel acts of others, so I feel the need to reflect for a moment on the topic of bullying. Many of you may not know that In addition to all I do as a licensed mental health professional and as a person in the media, I’ve also been a school counselor for the last 17 years. So there is literally nothing that I haven’t dealt with in regards to kids, including bullying.

In the State of New Jersey, legislation was passed requiring public schools to follow new protocols with regard to harassment, intimidation and bullying. New Jersey schools now have the strictest anti-bullying laws in the nation. As someone in the center of all this, I can say that the schools play an important role in the identification, intervention and prevention of bullying.

In my experience over the years, the public schools have handled acts of harassment, intimidation and bullying in a swift, zero-tolerance manner. With smart-phones and computers now the weapons of choice for bullies, schools are confronted with an even greater challenge because the majority of bullying no longer occurs in the schoolyard playground; it occurs in the playground known as a bedroom, fully equipped with an assortment of toys like smart phones and computers for bullies to play with.

Just about all of the tragic stories we hear with regard to bullying suggest putting more pressure on schools to do more but I think the real solution to this problem lies elsewhere—at home. Parents will need to rethink how they allow their kids to use media and technology, such as smart phones, social networking sites and television content. Whenever I present to parent groups on the topic of media use among today’s kids, the first thing I tell parents is to immediately remove televisions and computers from their child’s bedroom and to reconsider the allowance of a “smart phone”. Schools will need to continue enforcing strict rules with regard to the use of electronic devices during school hours.

The Gimme Generation

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=VxHfYNTrnic

This is a must watch segment with Steve Doocey from @FoxNews interviewing Jack Cha, an economics professor from Valencia College. Professor Cha asked his sophomore students to write an essay on “The American Dream”. After they completed their essays he asked them what they wanted the Federal Government to do to help them achieve their American Dream. Professor Cha took the essays from 3 classes, about 180 students, and went over their responses.

Here were the results: Eighty percent of the students felt that the government should provide them with a job, pay for their college tuition, give them the money for a house, pay for their health care and fund their retirement. What are your thoughts on this? Do you want to know mine?

First off, everything I have today – my house, my medical insurance, my retirement money and my education, I worked my tail off for and have funded all on my own. To me, this level of entitlement by our American youth is extremely troubling because it leads to one place—apathy. How in the world are these kids going to find the motivation to achieve anything in their life if their mentality is that everything should be handed to them. Sorry folks but the tooth fairy isn’t real.

As an educator and psychotherapist, I work with a lot of teenagers and young adults and I’d have to agree with Professor Cha, the majority of today’s kids feel entitled. I believe most of it has to do not only with government but with media and technology. Think about it, today’s teenagers and young adults are natives to our digital world; with the click of a button they get what they want instantly. There is no work involved, no effort and their brains get used to this. Go to one of my favorite websites and twitter pages, http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ @CommonSenseNews and learn some great tools to help you help your kids how to use media and technology the right way.

My advice to parents out there—make your kid work for and earn those extra things they want. This way they will understand the following quote: “Success Comes Before Work Only In The Dictionary.” If you’re interested in having me present my “Digitally Distracted” talks for your group or organization, visit my website at www.tomkersting.com and send me an email or call me. I speak to lot’s of Parent Groups on this topic.

“Project X”

I just read an article on Good Morning America’s website about a teenager in Houston who was shot and killed at a party that was inspired by the movie, “Project X”. I watched the trailer of the movie and did a little research on the plot. The plot is pretty clear: A teenage nerd throws a party that gets totally out of control. There’s plenty of partying, smoking weed, drinking, and sex.

What many of you don’t know about me is that in addition to being a psychotherapist and expert on television, I’m also a school counselor. I’ve been one for 17 years and I know every inside/out detail of teenagers today. I’m right in the middle of it.

This movie, “Project X”, has inspired many similar parties across America and I am bothered by this. Why? Because today’s teenagers are completely out of control. It’s nowhere near what it was like when I was a kid. Here are the two major flaws that I see nowadays.

Parents (not all of them, just more of them) have no idea what their kids are doing everyday. Do you know how many teenagers I’ve seen in my office who smoke weed every single day and their parents have “no idea”. More parents have become clueless and desensitized to the realities and dangers of our world. How else can you explain 500-1000 teenagers showing up to party, drinking, smoking and having sex? It’s because their parents either don’t know or don’t care. Not good!!!
Teenagers are followers: Bottom line-kids do what other kids do. Very few are leaders and carve their own path in the woods. We can thank media for its glorification of weed, alcohol and sex among teens. It makes it “ok” in their young, innocent minds.

So what can we do with this problem?

Parents – start becoming part of you your teenager’s life. He/she is not an adult no matter what television or other media tries to tell you. Your kid needs you to be a parent. Take control for crying out loud!! And no, it’s not ok if your 17-year-old has a couple of beers as long as he’s not driving. You shouldn’t permit him to drink, period.
Teens – Ask yourself this question: Do you want to be ordinary just like everyone else or do you want to be more than that? Then start making better decisions and stop listening to your friends all time. They know nothing; a positive adult in your life does.

Just had to get this off my chest……..

Raising Self-Sufficient Kids

I had a meeting yesterday with some colleagues about things we’re all involved in with television, media, books etc. I got into a discussion with one of them, who is a pediatrician and is writing a book on parenting. Both of us have children around the same age, we both work with families in our professions and we both agree on limiting the amount of technology our kids use. We also agreed on teaching the importance of independence and self-sufficiency. Our conversations led to a discussion about an incident I had with my almost nine-year-old son yesterday.

My son asked me to get him breakfast. He has a bowl of Cherrios every morning with Silk Soy Milk. I told him that he had to get his own breakfast. He replied by telling me that he didn’t know how to make his own bowl of Cherrios, which is nonsense. I would not give in to him, to which he became very upset. After about 10 minutes of pouting he got up off the couch, got a bowl out, took out the Cheerios and Silk Soy Milk, and made his own breakfast.

This morning I was driving to work and got stuck behind a school bus in my town. The bus stopped 3 different times and each time I watched high school kids get out of their parents car and onto the bus. Each of these streets is a dead-end and no more that an eighth of a mile long and these kids were being driven to the bus stop. It’s not like it was 20 degrees and snowing; it was a beautiful morning. My mind flashed back to my high school days when I had to walk almost a mile to and from the bus stop every day, no matter what the weather was like. Getting stuck behind that bus got me thinking even more on how important it is to raise motivated, self-sufficient kids and not get caught-up in doing everything for our kids.

If you are a parent and you want your child to grow to be a healthy, self-sufficient adult do the following:

1. Let your child walk to the bus stop.

2. Let you child make his own breakfast.

3. Let your child earn the things you buy him

4. Let your child fail

5. Give you child lots of hugs

TIL EGO DO US PART

This summer I read a fantastic book called “Clubhouse Confidential”, written by Luis Castillo, a former New York Yankee bat boy. Luis’ tenure ran from 1998 to 2005 and in the book he talks about working with the modern day Yankee greats like Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Bernie William, Joe Torre and Roger Clemens. The book offers a wonderful behind the scene glimpse of these iconic players. What I respected about the book was that it did not “slam” any of the players, except for one—Alex Rodriquez.

I’ve always been a Rodriguez fan and take everything that the media writes about him with a grain of salt, until I read Clubhouse Confidential. Rodriguez is the only player that Castillo does slam, but in a very diplomatic way. I was quite disappointed to hear about how real A-Rods “ego mania” disease is. Yes A-Rod is one of the greatest players of all time and has more money than any of us will ever dream of but the man has no friends. His own teammates can’t stand him and most of society can’t stand him because he is so full of himself.

The question I ask is how did the Governor of New Jersey slip through the cracks? I happen to live in New Jersey but I’m not going to share with you my thoughts about Chris Christie because my political views are my business. But I can tell you that just about everyone I meet in New Jersey loves the guy.

Check out this video and make your own assumption. The Governor has a reputation of being a “tough guy” because he talks down to people and demeans them a lot. In the video he calls a former Navy Seal an “IDIOT”, that’s right — a former NAVY SEAL, as in John Rambo. Am I hallucinating? I wouldn’t dare talk to a Navy Seal like that, but then again I don’t have an entourage of armed secret service agents to protect me. Would Christie call a Navy Seal an “idiot” if he didn’t have armed guards protecting him? Is “tough guy” an accurate description of him? You be the judge.

One word of advice to all of you: treat people with respect and you’ll have many friends. Disrespect people and you’ll live a very lonely life.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/governor-chris-christie-idiot-student-damn-man-m-221915452.html

Christie’s FOURTH divorce

Christie Brinkley is going through her fourth divorce; yes that’s what I said—her FOURTH. And this is what she had to say:

“I can now say unequivocally I would never get married again. There’s absolutely no reason to. I learnt in my divorce that marriage is ridiculous,” she told the newspaper when asked about her past marriages. “You take a vow but you don’t get brownie points when you honor your vow and the other person doesn’t.”

I think never getting married again is a good idea Christie. It’s not your forte. But Christie, can your marital woe’s really be your husband’s fault—all four of them? Christie, is there something you could have done differently in your four marriages?

This is an issue I run into all the time with couples who are having problems; they don’t know how to take responsibility for their own actions. It’s just easier to point the finger. If you’re going through a divorce ask yourself this question: What could I have done differently? Make sure you answer this question unequivocally or you’ll probably find the same fate the next time around, and the next, and the next. Just ask Christie.