A must read for every parent
Click on the link below to read the excellent review of my new book, Disconnected. It is certainly an eye-opener.
How To Tech-Protect Our Kids: 4 Must-Reads and an APP!
Parents and Guardians, every generation has its challenges. We certainly had ours and our children have theirs! However, there is something very uniquely problematic about raising children in this digital age. The emerging and ever-present scientific advancements which offer 24/7 communication and social interaction and supposedly are “connecting” us to one another more rapidly and efficiently are the same technological tools which are changing who we are and cultivating a “disconnect” with one another.
Although research is mounting in support of “tech-effects” on our children,
we also know that adults are not immune to many of the psychological, relational,
physical,and behavioral consequences of passive and interactive time spent on screens.
Why is this so hard to believe?
Why do we want to turn away from what is going on?
This is important. I think the first reason is because we – as parents – do not want to think we might be doing something which is contributing to the harm of our children! What responsible parent would do that? Of course, we wouldn’t. I want you to know that you are not responsible for changing what you don’t know! And, most parents have no idea about the dangers of passive and interactive screen-time on their children. So, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t become immobilized in your guilt. Don’t bury yourself in denial because your friends aren’t changing their ways. At the conclusion of this blog, I am going to show you… How To Tech-Protect Our Kids with 4 Must-Read books and an amazing APP!
Get ready to get informed. And then, get ready to make healthy changes!
When I was growing up in the 50’s, it seemed like almost all adults smoked! It was a social thing. My dad smoked, my parents’ friends smoked, and many relatives smoked, especially at parties and celebrations. Although I remember my dad smoking mostly outside on our patio, there came a time when he wanted to quit. He talked about how it wasn’t good for his health or for his children’s. I remember how over the years, the cigarette commercials started disappearing off the TV. Then, the bill-boards came down. Eventually, health warnings appeared on the cigarette packs. Slowly, people’s minds began to change as they became more informed. And, as more years went by, laws began to change protecting folks who didn’t smoke from the smoke of those who did. I believe neither my parents nor the parents of millions of other children wanted to endanger their kids’ health (or their own). They just didn’t know any differently. Today, with health concerns mounting around our children’s degree of access and exposure to electronic screens, we have no excuses.
We just need to be willing to become informed.
We don’t need to panic or move from a place of fear.
We have solid information and seasoned experts to guide our paths.
The second reason why I think we want to avoid addressing screen-time usage is because we – as adults – are enjoying our screens as much as our children! Look around. Parents are connected to their devices as well! Also, every day there are new gadgets, faster phones, three-dimensional apparatus, more intriguing, seductive games, and so on. Our friends have the newest versions and we want them too! And so, this too is important. This too is hard. We – as adults – must face on own issues of tech dependence, social comparison (keeping up with Jones family) and other tech-related problematic behaviors. We must be willing to acknowledge them, change them, and model healthy face-to-face relationships with our children and with one another.
No matter what the enticement might be, we must remember…
“Too much of a good thing is not always a healthy thing.”
Are you old enough to remember when there were no fast food chains? Ok, there may have been an A and W Drive-In or a favorite hang-out burger joint! But, it wasn’t until the emergence of McDonalds, Burger King, Jack-in-the-Box, and countless others that we experienced a huge shift in our diets, our routines, and even in our health. Raising my daughter in the 80’s and 90’s, I remember when health concerns first started surfacing about ingredients in fast-foods as well as in processed foods. As more information was released, I made necessary adjustments. As a working mom, it was not always easy to make a home-cooked meal, but I made it a priority to make sure my daughter had healthful meals. I did not eliminate fast-food altogether. However, I was much more mindful as to how often we would get those yummy Big Macs and delicious fries! Over the years, many of the chains have chosen to make changes in their ingredients and to offer healthier alternatives to their menus! They have acted responsibly to the evidence supporting unhealthy practices and to the growing concerns of their consumers. As the consequences of over-exposure to screens continue to show up in our children’s lives and our own, we – as parents – must to do same.
Becoming informed does not mean the eradication of popular practices.
It means becoming empowered to make the best decisions regarding their impact on our lives.
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| Protection means being informed. |
Parents and Guardians, let’s get started. Let’s get informed!
All of these resources are amazing! I’ve read each one thoroughly. Choose ONE to get started. Choose one which best suits your needs right now. Don’t get over-whelmed with too much information at once. These are in no particular order – they are all great!
1. “Disconnected: How To Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids” by Thomas Kersting
I love this book because it was written from a father’s perspective! Tom is also a psychotherapist, a high school counselor, and a coach on his son’s team! With a compassionate and convincing voice, this amazing father offers a concise yet powerful approach for parents/guardians to reclaim the health and well-being of their children. I HIGHLY recommend “Disconnected”! (92 pages)
2. “Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World” by Kathy Koch, PhD.
This is an extraordinary book because Kathy addresses the problematic “life-messages” our children are learning about themselves and the world around them as a consequence of their time spent interacting with technology. “Screens and Teens” is a faith-based family-friendly approach. Kathy provides plenty of exercises to implement with our children as well discussion guides for families to reconnect in healthy ways. (237 pages)
3. “Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan To End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen Syndrome” by Victoria L. Dunkley, M.D.
If you are a parent who is raising a child who is overly anxious, irritable, hyper-stimulated, inattentive, and unfocused (and who spends time on screens) or a counselor, educator, therapist, doctor (pediatrician) who is seeing a rise or dramatic increase in ADD, ADHD, anxiety disorders, and depressive symptoms in your child or the children you work with, PLEASE read this book. These children “may” be medicated unnecessarily. These children “may” be misdiagnosed and suffering instead from “Electronic Screen Syndrome”. “Reset” is a research-based clinically detailed analysis of the effects on children’s overall well-being as the result of screen-time. Victoria, a mom herself, offers a ground-breaking “reset” program which is family friendly, providing a step-by-step process for restoring your child’s health. I believe EVERY clinician or individual who is assessing children’s health should read this book. (317 pages)
4. “Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids – And How To Break The Trance” by Nicholas Kardaras, Ph.D.
I know the word “addiction” is a scary word. Don’t let that deter you from choosing this book. If you, or your children, or other loved ones are spending a great deal of time “gaming” (video games) and are finding it problematic to stop or cut back ….you are not alone. Nicholas Kardaras describes how and why video games are designed to become “addictive” (as are other screen interactive behaviors) and he provides a myriad of proven strategies for recovering from screen addiction or reducing screen problematic behaviors. Having experienced gaming addiction personally, Dr. Kardaras speaks with a compassionate and caring voice. You will not feel judged! (246 pages)
Lastly, but just as importantly, I want to share with you a new APP – BOSCO – which is being launched as we speak!
What is BOSCO? BOSCO is purely an awareness tool – not a control tool – and will only alert parents when its algorithm has shown that the parents’ attention is needed. This APP provides a fresh approach to digital parenting!
Because of my interest in cyber bullying and its impact on the well-being of our children and because of how vulnerable our children are to on-line predators and other dangers, I think this is a extremely valuable tool. In the words of Enon Landenberg, Co-Founder of Bosco and father of three, “We imagined an alternative that would help us keep our kids safe without infringing on their independence.” I highly encourage you to check this out!
In closing, I want you to know that these folks and countless others (as do I) care deeply about the well-being of our children. It is why we do what we do. There is no other motivation. If you have questions or concerns, please reach out to them or to me. We are here to help and support you. I ask one thing of you…
Be brave….take a deep breath…and begin reading.
This high-tech generation needs our best parenting…they deserve no less.
Please, don’t hesitate to reach out ~
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For more empowering reads…
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| Tools for Protection, Intervention, and Prevention |
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| Tweens – Teens – Discover, Define and Determine Your Real Worth! |
Why I’m Having a Cell Phone Basket On Super Bowl Sunday
A year ago when my son was in seventh grade he was invited to his first kid-thrown Super Bowl Party. He was excited to get together with his friends to watch the game and eat lots of Super Bowl fare. When I dropped him off he had a big smile on his face. He didn’t have a phone, so I told him I would pick him up right after the game. He anxiously unbuckled his seat belt and proceeded to sprint to the front door of his friend’s house.
It was bitter sweet for me. I was happy that he’d be spending time with his buddies, but a little sad as it would be my first Super Bowl without him. When I picked him up later that evening he didn’t seem the same as when I dropped him off. He was a bit off, not as enthusiastic as he was earlier. I asked him if everything was alright and he said, “yes everything is fine”. I then asked if he had fun and he responded, “yeah it was ok.” Something was obviously bothering him.
As I pried a little more, my son told me that he felt like he was the only one watching the game. He said that he had no one to cheer with. He explained that because all seven of his friends were on their smart phones—the entire time—they didn’t really watch the game; the game was just white noise to their distracted minds. If there was a big play or a touchdown none of his football-loving friends seemed to notice.
At the time my son was the only one among his friends that didn’t have a smartphone; a year later he still is. Lucky for me my son doesn’t even ask for a phone or want one. And so far this plan is working out well. He is doing wonderful in life without a phone; no stress, no worry, lots of friends and excellent grades. I remember driving back to my house feeling bothered by this situation and knew that I had to get working on a new book I was planning to write.
Well, my book is finally out (more about that below) and this year I decided to have a Super Bowl party of my own. I’m keeping it simple, just some family. But, my children are having some friends at the house. There will be thirteen kids ranging in age from eight to fifteen. Although I doubt they will watch every snap of the game I certainly don’t want them missing every snap, and ignoring each other, because they can’t keep their eyes off their phones.
So I’m taking action. No phones allowed! I will have a smartphone basket set-up for all of the kids to place their phones when they arrive. Before they put their phone in the basket they can text their parents to tell them they will be unavailable for the next several hours. I’m sure some of the parents will be a little anxious about this because, let’s face it, adults have become dependent on these devices too. If there is an emergency, parents can call the land line. If one of the kids needs to contact a parent, they can come upstairs and get their phone from me.
A History of the No-Phones-Rule
My “no-phones-rule” is nothing new in my house; just ask any of my kid’s friend’s. They all know to leave their phones in my kitchen when they come over. Believe it or not, they actually prefer it that way. I do this because all of my research and professional experience shows that starring at hand-held devices all day long is downright awful for our children’s health. So, Super Bowl Sunday at the Kersting house will not be a scene of thirteen children sitting in my basement disconnected from each other, and the game, starring like zombies at their hand-held-devices.
Although I don’t expect all of the kids to be watching the game on Super Bowl Sunday, I do expect them to do what kids are hard-wired to do— make noise, run around and play games together. And that’s the way I want it. Staring at screens and ignoring each other is not good for their brains, their emotions or their social development. Go Giants!! Oh wait, the Giants aren’t in the Super Bowl this year. Darn it!!
Tom Kersting is the author of the new book, Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids. Please keep an eye out for more tips and resources from Tom as he continues his mission to get families reconnected by disconnecting from devices.
If you are interested in signing-up for Tom’s blog about reconnecting the disconnected family please click here. http://eepurl.com/cAjA19 You will only receive one email per week at most.