A year ago when my son was in seventh grade he was invited to his first kid-thrown Super Bowl Party. He was excited to get together with his friends to watch the game and eat lots of Super Bowl fare. When I dropped him off he had a big smile on his face. He didn’t have a phone, so I told him I would pick him up right after the game. He anxiously unbuckled his seat belt and proceeded to sprint to the front door of his friend’s house.
It was bitter sweet for me. I was happy that he’d be spending time with his buddies, but a little sad as it would be my first Super Bowl without him. When I picked him up later that evening he didn’t seem the same as when I dropped him off. He was a bit off, not as enthusiastic as he was earlier. I asked him if everything was alright and he said, “yes everything is fine”. I then asked if he had fun and he responded, “yeah it was ok.” Something was obviously bothering him.
As I pried a little more, my son told me that he felt like he was the only one watching the game. He said that he had no one to cheer with. He explained that because all seven of his friends were on their smart phones—the entire time—they didn’t really watch the game; the game was just white noise to their distracted minds. If there was a big play or a touchdown none of his football-loving friends seemed to notice.
At the time my son was the only one among his friends that didn’t have a smartphone; a year later he still is. Lucky for me my son doesn’t even ask for a phone or want one. And so far this plan is working out well. He is doing wonderful in life without a phone; no stress, no worry, lots of friends and excellent grades. I remember driving back to my house feeling bothered by this situation and knew that I had to get working on a new book I was planning to write.
Well, my book is finally out (more about that below) and this year I decided to have a Super Bowl party of my own. I’m keeping it simple, just some family. But, my children are having some friends at the house. There will be thirteen kids ranging in age from eight to fifteen. Although I doubt they will watch every snap of the game I certainly don’t want them missing every snap, and ignoring each other, because they can’t keep their eyes off their phones.
So I’m taking action. No phones allowed! I will have a smartphone basket set-up for all of the kids to place their phones when they arrive. Before they put their phone in the basket they can text their parents to tell them they will be unavailable for the next several hours. I’m sure some of the parents will be a little anxious about this because, let’s face it, adults have become dependent on these devices too. If there is an emergency, parents can call the land line. If one of the kids needs to contact a parent, they can come upstairs and get their phone from me.
A History of the No-Phones-Rule
My “no-phones-rule” is nothing new in my house; just ask any of my kid’s friend’s. They all know to leave their phones in my kitchen when they come over. Believe it or not, they actually prefer it that way. I do this because all of my research and professional experience shows that starring at hand-held devices all day long is downright awful for our children’s health. So, Super Bowl Sunday at the Kersting house will not be a scene of thirteen children sitting in my basement disconnected from each other, and the game, starring like zombies at their hand-held-devices.
Although I don’t expect all of the kids to be watching the game on Super Bowl Sunday, I do expect them to do what kids are hard-wired to do— make noise, run around and play games together. And that’s the way I want it. Staring at screens and ignoring each other is not good for their brains, their emotions or their social development. Go Giants!! Oh wait, the Giants aren’t in the Super Bowl this year. Darn it!!
Tom Kersting is the author of the new book, Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids. Please keep an eye out for more tips and resources from Tom as he continues his mission to get families reconnected by disconnecting from devices.
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